Friday, January 30, 2009

Super Bowl XLIII

Chris and Alex make their final Super Bowl calls.

: We need to do SB picks. Arizona has my heart tied up with Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth. Which apparently is also a Lasso of Justice, and the underdog. And maybe this is just my heart being real persuasive, and head being weak. But, I point to Parcell's last year, when we were tearing teams up. In comes Sean Payton, our old OC, with the Saints. Knows our personnel, our defense, and rips us, 41-17.

So, I see Whisenhunt knowing all that. And Pittsburgh is just good enough to keep it close. And then on top of that, Warner has SB experience. And Leinart isn't the QB. Also, the Pitt O-line is 29th in the league in sacks given up. And last year, they gave up 4 to a significantly worse Cardinals team, with a significantly better, Alan Faneca driven O-line.

I don't know. I'm riding the "shock the world" wave. Give me your opinions.

Chris: As far as knowing your enemy and understanding the personnel, I say Tomlin & Co. are just as able to analyze their opponent and neutralize the QB threat as Whisenhunt and Grimm. Now if I remember correctly, when you take Pittsburgh's D vs the opposing QB, the opposing QB has a 60-some rating. If you take Arizona's D vs opposing QB, the QB has a 90-some rating. I think Pittsburgh's D will be able to create enough of a mess for Warner.

Lucky for Pitt, their D is the strength, so I think Pitt's O vs Arizona's mystery D is a wash. It isn't as MUCH of a concern as the other match-up. I think Pittsburgh just needs to move the ball and not screw things up-- basically what they've done all year. Nothing fancy, just enough. If Roethlisberger screws up or goes down, I think Pitt's chances might be affected IF Arizona can get points off turnovers (with O) or if their D scores directly.

My heart, of course, wants Arizona to win—so the Steelers don't get six rings before the Cowboys. But my head sees Pittsburgh winning a close game.

Alex: Now hold on there, Chris. Remember now, if Roeth goes down, they have Leftwich. And in the games he played, he played well. I am actually of the impression that, behind that Steeler line, The Wich is better than the Burger. The Burger holds the ball too long.

Chris: I think I give the injury advantage to Arizona if Roeth goes down, for symbolism and momentum.

Alex: I think Roeth is the beneficiary of a GREAT team. Put Roeth in Dallas and we'd rip him apart. He'd be awful.

Chris: We'd rip whom apart?

Alex: Roeth. The media would tear him down. And so would opposing linemen. I don't think Roeth is worth anything. Just an okay player on a great team. Serviceable. Like Scott Mitchell, pre-Lions.

Chris: I think Roeth is a cool, calm, and collected leader.

Alex: Oh, he's a leader. But again, he became one because he's on a GREAT team. If he had played in Dallas his whole career, he'd be out of football. 'Cause our running game isn't good enough.

Chris: Being on a great team wasn't Aikman's fault, nor was it Steve Young's/ Joe Montana's fault. They may have made their teams better.

Alex: I know, I know. My point is, if Roeth goes down, I think the passing game is better off with the Wich.

Chris: Yeah. Warner going down is more damning than Roeth going down, for me.

Alex: Yeah. Leinart would choke harder than Vanderjagt on a LeBatt Blue.

Chris: Ouch.


Alex's heart: Arizona
Alex's head: Arizona, 32-24

Chris' heart: Arizona
Chris' head: Pittsburgh, 27-20

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Martellus Bennett's apology rap

Martellus Bennett was fined $22,000 for a YouTube rap he posted.

It's just about what you'd expect from the Cowboys' wildly entertaining, slightly crazy young tight end. His first video features Bennett busting a freestyle rap bragging about having "Jerry Jones money" (while wearing a Cowboys helmet) and includes a bunch of words that aren't allowed to be used on this here blog. He has another R-rated rap titled, "Google Me" on his MySpace page.

Hey, what do you expect from a goofy 21-year-old millionaire who doesn't have any professional obligations other than to work out daily?

The following is Martellus' Marty B's apology.
In rap.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Wait, this is serious?

Irvin hosting reality TV show to win roster spot on Cowboys

Associated Press

DALLAS -- The first time Michael Irvin watched "American Idol," he loved the concept of giving undiscovered singers the chance to become stars. Now Irvin is doing the same for NFL wannabes.

The Hall of Fame receiver is launching a reality TV show in which 12 "football neophytes" will compete for an impressive grand prize: a spot on the Dallas Cowboys' training camp roster.

Alex: .....

Chris: .....

Alex and Chris: .....


Wednesday, January 21, 2009


: The Arizona Cardinals are a Super Bowl team. What the hell is going on? BTW, I think it's worth pointing out that 6 of their 9 wins in the regular season were division wins. So they were 3-7 against all other opponents.

Chris: I don't know, but it kind of cheapens the Super Bowl. I say this as a sports-elitist, because I feel only a few franchises should be dominant. Parity doesn't help. And as much as I don't want Pittsburgh getting ring #6, I don't think the Cardinals can win.

Alex: Don't get me wrong, here. I'm rooting for the Cardinals. They've been Cowboys fans over there for so long. I mean, I can only return the favor.

Chris: Hahaha, Cowboys jerseys might be the third most popular jersey in Tampa that night. Maybe even second.

Alex: So is this a Cowboys Super Bowl win, indirectly, if Arizona wins?

Chris: It should be a ghost win.

Alex: BTW, hindsight: when Arizona beat us and stole all the Farve magic*, they apparently kept it.

*It is held to be true on this blog that Favre's talent and abilities were passed onto successor Romo.

Chris: They just waited until the playoffs to use it?

Alex: Yeah. Smart on their part. Stockpiling Favre magic in a shitty conference. A very intelligent move.

Chris: I would have cashed it in Week 12. That will be interesting to track—the holder of the Favre magic.

Alex: Well, doesn't it reset every year? And if Favre doesn't play, Romo is the heir apparent, yes?

Chris: Ah, it could. I didn't know if that was the case, or if the magic was passed on like a WWE championship belt.

Alex: We might want to look at it both ways. Schrodinger's cat sort of philosophy.

Alex: I know what I want to start with, and that is WHY in God's name do people want TO gone?

Chris: Because they think TO is the only poison in the locker room. And if you remove TO, instantly you gain chemistry and cooperation.

Alex: ESPN Propaganda? I suddenly saw Boomer's face in yellow outline in front of a red flag with hammer and sickle.

Chris: I'm sure. Leaflets dropped from the heavens.

Chris: Now you only take a $60,000 hit in the wallet if you get rid of TO, but unfortunately, another team could pick him up. Give me Washington, partly due to Daniel Snyder's Jerry-Jones-Obsession and partly because TO loves moving to rivals.

Alex: Yeah, Daniel Snyder really scared me earlier this season with his Jerry-Jones-Spending on display. But then Zorn turned out to be an afterthought.

Chris: If Zorn has any control in Washington, I give him a few months with TO before it all disappears.

Alex: He's too nice. "I NEED THE BALL, ZORN!" "Ok, ok, sure. Great. Smile TO, here's your ball!"

Chris: Actually, I wonder if that kind of yes-man situation is the best environment for TO. Zorn aims to please. TO wants the ball.

Alex: I don't know. Enablers...

Alex: That reminds me. Brian Stewart has been fired by the second nicest guy in football, Wade Phillips. And... God... I'm scared Campo might get the DC job.

Chris: No way.

Alex: He's on staff. Done it before. And won a SB with it.

Chris: Well, did we have a salty defense because of Campo, or in spite of Campo?

Alex: I don't know. When he was HC we always had a good defense. I just don't know. Campo scares me.

Chris: He's giving pep talks at Coppell High. So. Take that for what it's worth.

Alex: My last Cowboys fear for now. Are you ready? WHY in all of God's great glory is Brad Johnson not in street clothes yet?

Chris: Oh wow. I forgot about him. Maybe we'll take a hot young QB in the first round. I mean, we still have that pick, right?

(editor's note: Psych. We don't.)

Alex: ... A possible second Roy Williams blunder.

Chris: Should Dallas just avoid that name forever?

Alex: It's looking that way. I really hope he turns it on next year. I don't want another potential-filled Raghib Ismail-style bust. I mean, if he's gonna flame out, can he at least pull a Hambrick and say he's better then Jerry Rice?

Chris: It's not quite Joey Galloway, is it?

Alex: No. Joey played well. Just got injured a lot.

Chris: I mean in terms of losing draft picks.

Alex: I fear this is might even be the REVERSE Herschel. If Detroit builds a dynasty I'm gonna be so pissed. Think about it: it's the same thing we did in the middle of a 1-15, or in their case 0-16, season. Trade the best player for a bunch of picks.

Chris: We didn't give them seven picks in exchange for Lunchables, though.

Alex: Well, no. But it could be a start.

Chris: Wait, I see where you're going now.

Alex: It's eerily similar.

Chris: So is that why we'll trade DeMarcus Ware next year? Reverse reverse Herschell?

Alex: Just to cancel out the chi. We'll see. It all depends on if Roy Williams goes Shante Carver on us.

Chris: Eeesh, I can only hope, for jokes' sake.

Alex: I don't know, C-bass. Can we handle a BC and TWO Roys all at once? We might overload.

Chris: We managed with Shante, Kavika, Bjornson, LaFleur, and the Hambrick boys. I don't know the overlap though.

Alex: I think it always came in pairs. Kavika and Shante. Then LaFluer and Bjornson. Then the Hambrick Bros. Now BC and...?

Chris: The Roy Williams Voltron?

Alex: One of them has to be a success next year or all hell breaks loose.

Super Fantastic (click for larger view)

L-R, top to bottom:
Kavika Pittman blocked by the Rams (before they were good);
Dexter Coakley, Pittman, Randall Godfrey, Herman Smith at practice;
Shante Carver (L) in action with the Maniax of the XFL;
Eric Bjornson on the run;
David LaFleur, stopped, at his highest potential energy. Once he moves, any potential is gone;
the Hambrick brothers in college at South Carolina.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


This e-mail was found in my inbox early this morning. It was not signed. However, the return adress read "" Maybe this is from the man we've been following???

"Dear Bloggers whom Zach tells me are actually pretty cool guys,
I just wanted to let you know that last night, I was in attendance, and though Ohio State lost, I wasn't even on the field, so my laser light display used to dot the I at halftime in no way could have affected the play of our freshman quarterback, or our long tenured coach, no matter how bad we've been in bowl games recently. And just so you know, I made sure that the only team to receive iHelmets before the game was my old alma-matter. There's nothing more important to listen to in those headphones they install in helmets nowdays than Kevin Rudolf's "Let it Rock," no matter how long Zach insists that that's how the coaches call plays. 

All my love and a court pending cease and desist order,


Friday, January 2, 2009

Playoff picks

Alex and Chris reveal their playoff brackets. Click for a larger view.

Chris' bracket

Chris' commentary
NFC: I put zero faith in the first-round home teams, Arizona and Minnesota. Both teams are average to begin with + both cities might face a blackout on the local TV stations. That's right, Arizona and Minnesota can't even sell out a playoff home game. At least Minnesota has some shred of playoff history; the Cardinals franchise has not hosted a playoff game since 1947. 1947!

I see Carolina ready to run all over Atlanta in the second round. The Falcons have exceeded expectations by simply making the playoffs; after winning their first-round game, they won't be able to contain themselves. Meanwhile, I think the Giants slip by the Eagles in a very hard, physical game. Let's be clear here: Philadelphia loves winning, but loves losing more. If they lose but also screw up a rivals' future, they'll be just as happy. I give the Panthers an edge over the physically-worn Giants in the NFC Championship game.

AFC: While the Falcons might be happy to be there, I won't say the same for Miami. I think the Dolphins are an intriguing team that has enough talent and coaching to get past Baltimore at home. I don't think the Ravens have enough on offense to do anything big in the playoffs. Maybe that's just me underrating their performance at Dallas. I think the streaking Colts are stronger, more experienced, and hungrier than the streaking Chargers, who may have used up their mojo just getting to the playoffs.

In the second round, I see the red-hot-Colts edging the Titans in another close, physical game. I also think the Dolphins hit the wall against the Steelers; back-to-back games against two fierce defenses (Bal, Pit) are too much for this Dolphins team to handle. Pittsburgh probably wins by 6 and looks less than beautiful in the win. By the AFC Championship game, I think the Steelers' confidence and strength, at home, power them past the Colts. The Colts' streak and experience brought them here, but by this point, they'll run out of gas.

Pittsburgh has too much on defense and just enough on offense. I think that mix is enough to contain Carolina and win an ugly, physical (again), and close Super Bowl.

Alex's bracket

Alex's commentary
As you can see, NFC wise, I have absolutely no faith in the Cards, (I think they remembered who they were in recent weeks) and the Panthers (for some reason, this whole season I've thought they were nobodies). Overall, this postseason is just totally outclassed by the NYG in the NFC. Pretty much the same can be said for the AFC, totally out Roethlis-'ed. The only team that really gives Pitt a run for its money is formerly lowly miami. SD will will its way to the championship game, but get blown out. This seems to be a very ho hum postseason this year. Maybe the Cowboys should be given a spot, just to make things more interesting.

Congratulations are in order for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Barbie Carpenter's unanimous Super Bowl champion.

Week 17 Postmortem

A look back at the week, our picks, and our blunders.


Winner: Chris

Alex: I really thought Houston was going to show us its true colors this past week. However, it's possible that they did. Look out next season.
Chris: Chalk this one up to Houston underachieving the entire season. The Texans are just a vanilla team. The franchise would win at least 1 additional game a year if they were the Oilers.

Winner: Alex

Alex: Just like last year. Minnesota makes the playoffs. But, in a tight loss, the Giants will win their playoff meeting against them, a la last season.
Chris: Minnesota takes it on a field goal. Enjoy the win, Minnesota, because I don't think you'll have the same luck against playoff Philadelphia.

Winner: Chris

Alex: Too bad the Jets don't make the playoffs this year. Does this make the Favre trade a wash?
Chris: I think people underestimate the Dolphins too much this season. Sure, just finishing with more than 1 win = their Super Bowl, but I think we do them a disservice by saying they're just happy to be here. Probably my quietest "greatest-turnaround-team-ever," ever.

Winner: Chris

Alex: 2 .500 teams, each with an equal chance of making the playoffs. And an 11-5 Pats team doesn't make it in, not to mention a certain 9-7 team that was ousted by an 8-8 Cards team....
Chris: It absolutely disgusts me that a 0.500 team is making the playoffs, but 0.500 is the perfect record for this team—you have absolutely no idea which squad will show up each Sunday. Good for them for squeaking into the playoffs. I guess.


Alex: Roethlis-Gradkowski. This is kind of a cop out, but with Roethlis-concussed, I can only assumed if he came back he would have played like Mr. Gradkowski.
Chris: I saw absolutely none of this game, but the Steelers won 31-0. Apparently Roethlisberger was knocked around/concussed, so I'll throw him a Roethlis-beef smoothie. Why on earth you would sacrifice already-tenderized meat to a blender, I have no idea. Why you would make a meat smoothie, I have no idea. But you're probably happy to get out alive and see another day.

Records this week
Alex: 10-6
Chris: 12-4

Final (reg. season) records

Alex: 151-104-1
Chris: 160-95-1