Sunday, November 15, 2009

Barbie Watch, Week 10

Every week, Alex and Chris track the exploits of former first round pick Robert "Bobby" Carpenter. This week, the boys travel to titletown to take on the Packers. All places Lambeau unless otherwise stated.

2:45 pm: Bobby and A.J. Hawk wake up naked next to each other in a simultaneous panic, because the game starts in 30 minutes. It's not until Bobby slips on A.J's jersey that he realizes what had happened the night before. Through the fog of hangover, both decide it's best not to see each other for awhile.

3:14 pm: Opening kickoff and Bobby starts the game in on kickoff coverage, but is afraid to hit anyone in a Green Bay uniform. Who knows who AJ Hawk told, and gay jokes is the last thing he needs today.

3:16 pm: Bobby in on 3rd down and piles on the end of a Donald Driver tackle. He notices the other guys aren't afraid to tackle, so it's probably a little suspicious if he's afraid to. He also begins to delete all the cher on his iHelmet.

3:19 pm: Royshonda gets one of his nails did.

3:22 pm: Nick Folk has a bad habit of missing easy FGs season.

3:27 pm: Bobby in on the tackle on Mr. Rodgers. Bobby wonders where his neighborhood is. He misses that little trolley and his puppets.

3:28 pm: Cowboys defense forces a fg, and Crosby misses. Back down to even. This is going to be an interesting game, and by the looks of things, one of ineptitude. Bobby is also playing a little better than normal. AJ is using his iHelmet Bobby got him as a gift to stream "I Got You Babe" into Bobcat's iHelmet. Bobby is playing well in tribute.

3:32 pm: AJ's hair is still a bit tousled from the evening before. Not typical of him. He is known to take very good care of his hair. Maybe it's a small trophy from the night before. Bobby is seen making googly eyes to AJ on the sideline, and flipping his hair in slow motion. Buehler notices the tomfoolery and begins asking Green Bay fans for ideas.

3:35 pm: Choicecat I for a loss

3:37 pm: If this game turns out to be a defensive struggle, I worry about our defense. Green Bay has some very talented wide receivers, and AJ reportedly promised them a boat party with a hot blonde stripper if they win. Bobby's iHelmet just received a text requesting him to shave tonight.

3:41 pm: T.J. "Clubber" Lang shouts out to a girl back home. Flo is visibly upset, runs on field and screams "I want a rematch!"

3:43 pm: Huge penalty on Mike Jenkins that erases a sack/strip by Scandrick, as well as some awesome aliteration.

3:44 pm: Darryn Colledge shouts out to the same girl back home. Flo is on the red phone asking what's wrong, baby?

3:46 pm: Anthony Spencer gets the pressure, presumably because it's a Bobdown, and Rodgers didn't want to play "poke the bear in coverage"

3:57 pm: It's amazing how AJ Hawk and Bobby Carpenter get about the same amount of mention. So much for Ohio State Linebackers.

3:58 pm: Igor Olshanksy strong like bull.

3:59 pm: Bobby was just seen in the endzone practicing dances on the FG post. Bradie James lays the wood on Greg Jennings, and it's looking like we're gonna have some prime Bobby time. Bobby grabs his iHelmet and runs on the field. AJ is visibly excited, because now he can talk to Bobby whenever his helmet is on. Thank god Bobby was just added to his Fave 5.

4:03 pm: Spencer Havner with the late hit. Bobby is stunned. This game is WAAAY more physical than he ever could have imagined.

4:05 pm: The Boos rain down from the tippy top of lambeau. I imagine this is what Cowboys Stadium would sound like for every incomplete pass if Cowboys fans didn't sit on their hands every game.

4:10 pm: 2nd 3 and out in a row for Dallas, and Wade Phillips decides to punt on 4th and inches. The game is getting boring, and Bobby is wondering what a pound of limberger cheese would do to a packer fan if launches directly at his head through a tshirt cannon.

4:13 pm: Bradie James is back in the game, which gives Bobby time to acquire the Limberger. AJ is contacted with the plan, and sneaks over to the Cowboys sideline, disguised as Keith Brooking. "Hey, anyone got any Skoal? Or some scissors? Somehow my hair grew really long and blonde in the last 10 minutes." Buehler, knowing what was going on, hands AJ some skoal, and waits for him to try it. AJ puts the whole tin in his mouth, smiles, and walks towards Wes Phillips, who he presumes to be an errand boy.

4:15 pm: Bobby on the screen pass reverts to 2nd grade, as he plays two hand touch with Brandon Jackson. He's visibly confused when the play continues.

4:21 pm: Royshonda gets his 2nd nail did, but then breaks 2 when he fumbles the ball.

4:23 pm: This is becoming a phyiscal game, and Fumblitis is running rampant. Bobby jumps on the pile at the end for good measure, then runs to the sideline towards Blonde Brooking for congratulations, only to find a dejected, crying, now bangs-less AJ Hawk. Wes Phillips didn't appreciate being called "little bitch" and then called out AJ asking him what kinda dogs he had. When Fake Brooking responded with Cocker Spaniels, it was all over. AJ is sent back to his sideline, and the iHelmet chat continues.

4:31 pm: This game is becoming worrying. Both defenses are playing VERY well.

4:33 pm: Greg Jennings shouts out to the girl back home. Flozell is seen in tears.

4:34 pm: A decent defensive stand here, and the double shutout rides on a FG attempt by Crosby. 3-0 Packers.

4:55 pm: Wonderful turn of events. Matt McBriar of all people forces a fumble. It's the little things.

5:01 pm: Play is reversed. AJ celebrates, and Bobby is put down, begins to tear up. AJ comes over to console Bobby when Wes shoots him a look, AJ cowers back to the Green Bay bench.

5:06 pm: Bobby has a chance to tackle Aaron Rodgers in the backfield, but his eyes are filled with tears and grass. he misses the tackle, and AJ is shamed to have slept with him

5:08 pm: Penalty on the play, but that was a Bobcat sack. Number 2 on the year. Maybe this linebacker is improving. Or maybe he just wants AJ to love him like he loves his hair. Just once, he wants to be caressed like that. Just once.

5:23 pm: Defense is beginning to fall apart, despite Brooking showing everyone how he's the real white linebacker in todays game. Ware then steps up and makes a sack. Bobby watches on the sideline and wonders how he can score some points for the Cowboys. Plots yet to emerge.

5:26 pm: The sad fox theme piano has been featured today as yet another Cowboy goes down. Cold weather really displays how much this team mimics Marshmellows.

5:28 pm: Bobby is finally tested on 3rd and 13, and Bobby fails, to no one's suprise.

5:41 pm: 10-0 Green Bay, and the Cowboys are being dominated. This game is practically over. AJ couldn't be happier. That boat is becoming closer to a reality.

5:45 pm: Royshonda gets a nail re-did.

5:47 pm: Romo fumbles. Game over. *challenged* I think we might be OK afterall. this is definitely 4 down territory, I think. We might not get the ball back after this. *WOW* that is a horseshit rule. The cowboys should have the ball still. Poor rule writing just lost the game for the Cowboys.

5:53 pm: Touchdown Green Bay. This game is now over.

6:08 pm: Witten shouts out to a girl back home, who is probably no longer watching.

6:11 pm: Romo wants a haircut, and throws an INT.

6:24 pm.: With the game over, Flozell shouts out. She has taken him back.

1 comment:

Sam C. said...

"Just once he wants to be caressed like that.. Just once" That is a terrible rule on the fumble recovery. I think it was designed to benefit Brady and the Pats somehow, but I'm not sure; We'll probably find out in the future. If Royshawnda makes that catch, and doesn't fumble coulda been a much different game. Keep making me laugh.