Sunday, October 12, 2008

Barbie Watch, Week 6

Every week, Alex and Chris scour the NFL for Bobby Carpenter sightings, and are noted with time and location here, in this blog. This week our focus is in Arizona. The blog will tentatively begin at 3:00 pm CT

3:13 pm, Arizona - Bobby was spotted on the game intro, running onto the field. This could be the most running we see from him all game.

3:15 pm, Arizona - Arizona just returned the opening kickoff for a td, and Bobby missed the first tackle in a string of about 4 or 5. Productivity is already declining.

3:27 pm, Arizona - Bobby was in on the punt, but I think he got tired halfway through running downfield, and decided that Pacman could just run through all the red. His hair is starting to weigh him down.

3:35 pm, Arizona - Bobby arrived late on punt coverage again this time. Maybe it's time to bring back the mustache superpowers, Bob-o. At the very least, you'll look less effeminate.

3:46 pm, Arizona - They punted. Bobby may have been on the field. Who knows?

3:48 pm, Arizona - Bobby finally made the tackle on special teams coverage where he may be the best tackler. You know something is wrong when....

3:50 pm, Arizona - Knowing his on-field appearances will be cut in half today thanks to all the change-of-possession turnovers, Bobby fires up some Karli Whetstone on his iPod.

3:53 pm, Arizona - Bobby was in the endzone on that play with his helmet off, blowing on the ball trying to keep it out of the endzone. It nearly worked. Too bad he forget he's an awful player.

4:01 pm, Arizona - Bobby commits a block in the back penalty on the Cowboys' return, just inches from Pacman Jones. In doing so, Bobby not only had his name mentioned, but he also benefited from about 15 seconds of uninterrupted camera time.

4:10 pm, Arizona - Matt McBriar, apparently jealous of Bobby's facetime on the last special teams play, shanked one, limiting Bobby's facetime, and upping the facetime of the pro-bowl Aussie.

4:30 pm, Arizona - In a battle of facetime for Bobby, Nick Folk kicked a short kickoff in hopes of a Bobby recovery. McBriar almost ran on the field to prevent it.

4:55 pm, Arizona - If Bobby was on kickoff return duty, we didn't see him. Which means someone had a stern talking-to in the locker room at halftime.

5:02 pm, Arizona - Romo burns a timeout as the play-clock nearly expires, probably Gurode's fault again. Bobby walks behind each coach, changes his voice, and says, "Y'know, I hear Bobby knows how to snap the ball," just loud enough to be heard.

5:04 pm, Arizona - Gurode is still in at center.

5:06 pm, Arizona - Romo throws a touchdown and is immediately lifted in the air by Gurode. Bobby realizes he has never been lifted in the air, nor has he lifted another player in the air, and begins to regret his choice of playing position all way back to his Pop Warner days.

5:06:30 pm, Arizona - Bobby tries to pick Zach Thomas up, but Thomas resists and stands next to the wide receivers.

5:10 pm, Arizona - Bobby continues to attempt to sneak his way on the field. Just before Nick could go to kick that ball, Bobby, who had previously slipped a fart machine in Nick's pants, let it loose. The kick went out of bounds.

5:26 pm, Arizona - Bobby's last name and hair was spotted behind an emotionless Wade Phillips after that won challenge. Bobby was asking Wade if, since we won 2 challenges, we get free gorditas from Taco Bell.

5:28 pm, Arizona - Bobby was in on the extra point block. Just stood there. Clearly daydreaming of free tacos.

5:46 pm, Arizona - Again, Bobby, on the PAT block, decides quesadillas are more important.

5:54 pm, Arizona - Bobby races down on the punt and ends up on top of the pile. Dallas Cowboys #27 is called for a block in the back, and Bobby knows he could have done a better job. 54 is twice 27, so he's twice the player. Bobby runs to Wade and demands a change in position on the next special teams play, but is handed a discount coupon for Taco Cabana. It's not Bell, but it'll do.

6:21 pm, Arizona - Bobby blocks for Pacman, but is ineffective. Time to pull out the win. He's lobbying for time at TE.

6:34 pm, Arizona - Wade tells Bobby to be prepared to streak the field from the stands, if necessary, to cause a distraction and stop the game, forcing a re-play of the down. Arizona appears to block the kick, but as it turns out, the Cardinals call timeout before the snap. Bobby waits.

6:36 pm, Arizona - Folk kicks the game-tying field goal. Because of the crowd noise, Bobby doesn't get the signal to abort the plan. Wade runs 20 yards to tackle a determined and nude Bobby to prevent him from racing onto the field before the snap. Folk's kick is good. Overtime.

6:43 pm, Arizona - Punt in OT blocked, touchdown Cardinals, game over. It was Bobby's man that got through for the block, and Bobby was the ineligible man downfield. I could not make this up if I tried. He's the worst 1st round pick. Ever.

1 comment:

michael scott said...

wasn't his man that got thru he was on the other side of the line, watch the replay. i thought i would get a kick out of these recaps but they drag on and aren't even funny. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!