Sunday, October 19, 2008

Barbie Watch, Week 7

Every week, Alex and Chris scour the NFL for Bobby Carpenter sightings and log each with time and location. This week our focus turns to St. Louis. The watch will tentatively begin at noon, CT.

All locations St. Louis unless stated otherwise.

12:03 pm - The Rams decide to wear white, forcing the Cowboys to wear Bad Luck Blue. The Cowboys receive the opening kickoff and have a decent return. Bobby arrives at the scene of the tackle late, no doubt blocking the other half of the field... just in case.

12:10 pm - Touchdown, Cowboys. No sight of Bobby on the extra point attempt. Is he off the unit? Was he on to begin with?

12:13 pm - The Rams return the ball 32 yards on the kickoff. Bobby runs parallel to the return until finally closing on the tackle. Well, Orlando Scandrick tackled the Ram, but Bobby touched him as he was going out of bounds. It's a contact sport.

12:24 pm - Bobby legitimately helps out on the block as the Cowboys return the Rams' kickoff. By the way, that was only the 5th offensive touchdown by the Rams this season. Glad we could help.

12:26 pm - Cowboys center Andre Gurode not only snaps the ball far too early, but he misfires to the left. Bobby petitions the coaches for playing time on the o-line for the second week in a row.

12:32 pm - Cowboys have allowed the Rams to score their 2nd touchdown of the day. Before today, they had scored 4 offensive touchdowns in 5 games. Bobby now petitions for playing time on defense, anywhere.

12:34 pm - Cowboys get a touchback on their kickoff return. No runback means no contact for Bobby.

12:36 pm - Rams intercept the Cowboys on a tipped pass. Convenience blames the offensive line.

12:37 pm - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOBBY CARPENTER RUNS ONTO THE FIELD, he's in on defense! Bobby is in on the tackle to boot.

12:38 pm - Bobby is blocked on 2nd and goal.

12:38 pm - Holding, 1st and goal again. Bobby has great penetration into the offense.

12:39 pm - Touchdown, Rams. Bobby is too far into the end zone to even attempt a tackle. Cowboys are down 21-7.

12:41 pm - Touchback, Cowboys, on the kickoff return. No action for Bobby.

End of first quarter.

12:53 pm - Bobby Carpenter is in on the Rams' 54 yard field goal attempt. Bobby does not flinch and the kick goes wide right.

1:03 pm - Bobby in on defense again. Makes the tackle, gain of two. Also mentally forces a holding call on the Rams.

1:04 pm - Bulger passes to the other side of the field. Bobby has locked down 50% of the field. 3rd down coming.

1:05 pm - Bulger again passes away from Bobby's half of the field. Incomplete pass. Punt time, baby.

1:06 pm - Bobby blocks the Ram on the punt return, but unfortunately sends the Ram in the general direction of the returning Cowboy. Unsure if Bobby's block led to the tackle on the return.

1:13 pm - Upon consulting the play-by-play and box score for the game, Bobby Carpenter has not officially registered a tackle. Bobby is either in the right place at the right time or a master illusionist.

1:18 pm - Cowboys punt the ball. Bobby remains stationary on the 20-yard line.

1:19 pm - No sight of Bobby on the defense.

1:20 pm - Correction, Bobby IS on the field. On 3rd down.

1:21 pm - Bulger completes to Dante Hall, tackled by Hamlin, who is in turn wrapped up by Bobby. Carpenter is called off the field. That's enough, Bobby.

1:28 pm - Bobby's back in and gets a front row seat at DeMarcus Ware's sack of Bulger.

1:29 pm - Bobby hangs out in the back of the field goal block unit. The Rams make a 52-yarder and go up 24 - 7.

1:31 pm - Kickoff goes out of bounds, Bobby can't be asked to hit or block anyone.

1:35 pm - Cowboys punt. Rams kneel the ball and end the longest first half in history.

End of first half.

1:50 pm - Cowboys kickoff to start the 3rd quarter. Bobby is late on the tackle, but really, what's new?

1:53 pm - Bobby makes a few blocks on the punt return. Slows down near the end. Or maybe Crayton is just that fast.

2:08 pm - estimated time of death of the 2008 Cowboys. Stephen Jackson runs for a 56-yd touchdown. This is the Rams' 4th offensive touchdown of the day, matching the season output from their first 5 games.

2:09 pm - Bobby watches the point after sail through the uprights. Rams lead 31-7.

2:11 pm - Kickoff return by the Cowboys, Bobby never entered the TV frame.

2:14 pm - Cowboys punt. Bobby is again absent from the TV frame. He's either tired of getting facetime or tired of running.

2:20 pm - Bobby races downfield next to his block assignment. Fair catch is called. If not, Bobby's man could light it up.

End of third quarter

2:38 pm - Field goal, Bobby present, kick is good, surprise surprise.

2:39 pm - Bobby opens his lunchbox and pulls out the 7-book Narnia set. He starts reading the first book in the series, The Magician's Nephew. If he reads for 300 hours, he'll win a free trip to Six Flags and a personal pan pizza.

2:40 pm - Bobby asks Zach Thomas if he's seen the Saturday Night Live "Chronicles of Narnia" skit. Before Thomas can answer, Bobby begins rapping. Thomas, annoyed, saunters over to the backup offensive linemen and talks hunting.

2:45 pm - Another interception by the Rams. Bobby puts his helmet on just in case he's needed after the TV timeout. But not before he finishes the first chapter of The Magician's Nephew.

2:48 pm - Bobby is back in the game. Stephen Jackson looks hurt. Bobby had no direct impact on the play. Or did he? Maybe the magic is rubbing off...

2:50 pm - Bobby is late to the play, but I'm sure he was held.

2:52 pm - Stephen Jackson limps off the field from the sideline. That's what happens when you get greedy, St. Louis.

2:54 pm - Rams pooch punt the ball. Carpenter thinks it's just a bad shank on a field goal attempt, crediting C.S. Lewis for his newfound magical talent.

3:06 pm - Rams kneel the time out. Game over.

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