Sunday, October 26, 2008

Barbie Watch, Week 8

Every week, Alex and Chris scour the NFL for Bobby Carpenter sightings and log each with time and location. This week our focus comes home to Dallas. The watch will tentatively begin at noon, CT.

All locations Dallas unless stated otherwise.

11:55 am - Bobby runs out of the giant, inflatable Cowboys helmet. He is not first, he is not last— just comfortably in the middle, free from blame

12:03 pm - Bobby pushes a nameless Tampa defender out of the way, but misses crucial Bucs running in his general direction, eventually tackling the kickoff returner.

12:05 pm - Bobby runs parallel to the Tampa punt returner, but provides a shot for the punter, Paulescu, to light up the returner. Nice hit.

Adendum: on that last punt return, the kicker made a bigger hit than Bobby has his whole career.

12:06 pm
- Realizing the spotlight has shifted, Bobby stands directly in front of Paulescu to get some valuable facetime.

12:08 pm - Bobby has no effect on the FG block. His presence only noted by two Cowboys fans in a dark corner of the internet.

12:15 pm - Cowboys are forced to punt again. Bobby's mind is elsewhere; part of him wants to make the tackle, but the other part wants to keep an eye on Paulescu just in case. His mind short-circuiting, he runs up to the spot of tackle and just stands there.

12:27 pm - Flozell false starts as a shout-out to his girl back home.

12:28 pm - Bobby actually tried to hit the returner on this third punt, but as he went for the tackle, he realized the returned was already wrapped up by three cowboys. Bobby goes back to the sidelines in tears, almost throws a hissy.

12:40 pm - End of the first quarter. Score, Tampa-6, Dallas-0. Bobbystats - 0 tackles, 1 Hissy, 8 tears.

12:55 pm - Dallas kicks off to the Buccaneers. Bobby is quick to run to the play, but then makes sure his arm is preoccupied with a Buc defender, rendering him helpless and unable to make a tackle. That is the NFL's version of the "Ds are degrees" mentality at its finest.

1:15 pm - Ronde Barber horsecollars Marion, marking the first time it has ever worked in favor of the Dallas Cowboys.

1:25 pm - Halftime Statline- Cowboys 10, Tampa - 6. Bobbystats - 0 tackles, 1 Hissy, 8 tears.


1:40 pm - Shot of Bobby looking pissed/intense with his helmet resting on top of his noggin. Probably walking with his arms 3 feet apart like the football players in high school.

1:46 pm - The cowboys go 3 and out following the kickoff-fumble, just to spite Bobby and make sure he has no real effect on the game. Bobby lays on the ground, crosses his arms, and refuses to do anything until Wade acknowledges that he's important to the team.

1:57 pm - Wade never acknowledged Bobby, and, realizing he was getting no attention, gave up, and was seen sitting on the bench sulking behind Brad Johnson's head.

2:01 pm - Bobby makes the kickoff tackle and throws both arms up in the air in celebration. After a period of soul-searching and sulking, coupled with some Bright Eyes on his iPod, Bobby realizes he has to work twice as hard as any other sentient being to get the recognition he deserves.

2:10 pm - Bobby in again on the FG Block, lackadaisically acting like he's in on the play, and the FG is good. He is seen whispering behind Wade, "see what happens when I don't try, they get points."

2:13 pm - End of third quarter - Dallas - 13, Tampa - 9. Bobbystats - 1 tackle, 1 useless celebration, 1 fumble recovery, 2 Hissys, 10 tears, 1 instance of lobbying for recognition.

2:18 pm - Bobby in on punt formation, throws his arm out to high five the returner as he runs by. Says to Wade, "At least I got a hand on him."

2:23 pm - Dallas forces a Tampa punt. Bobby didn't make it on-screen, but I'm sure he was putting great football technique on full display for the Texas Stadium fans.

2:28 pm - Bobby made another tackle on punt coverage. Wade apparently has motivated someone on the team to play better.

2:43 pm - Fair catch called for, though Bobby continued to run hard. Most likely for facetime.

3:06 pm - Game over - Dallas -13, Tampa - 9. Bobby stats - 2 tackles, 1 useless celebration, 1 fumble recovery, 2 Hissys, 10 tears, 1 snarky comment, 1 lobbying for recognition.

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